Doula Mel

Now the Brits can also get a turn

I so often send a shoutout for baby clothes to our American friends and they always surprise me by their generosity and  support they give Bosom Buddies.    Really my  American girlfriends, I mean this when I say you literally reduce me to tears with your kindness and the way you identify with our moms and babies. 
Up till now my English readers have not been able to send too much at all because of our stupid custom laws here and the big duties I get penalized with.   Well my lovely little English roses, this is about to change!    Now I have the fortune of having Riki who lives in the UK but is ex-SA, on fire for BB.    Riki is on a mission to collect baby clothes for us and  has a friend who is relocating back to SA and has offered us a space in her container.   We need 0-3 month (mostly) and 3-6 month sizes of babygros and vests.    We also need wool to use for knitted baby cardigans and beanies.  Oh, and waterproofs/plastic pants/pilchers too pls.  I took so long to learn 'American' and now I am not sure of the British names for baby clothes??
Blankies are also a need but don't buy new, only if you have 2nd hand.    Rather spend those pennies on clothes if you are keen to shop but gently used is just as good.   Don't forget your local charity shop, Riki says she has found loads of bargains there too.

The container is being packed on the 9th of June so the clothes need to be sent by the end of May.   If you e-mail Riki, she will give you an address.    Her e-mail is rikic@btinternet.com or mail me and I will fwd it it to her.   I love how this little project is reaching people around the world.   For all the Lordy folk, keep on praying for us pls, I feel like I am about to hit an oasis in the middle of my crappy-no-provision desert walk.    I see the water shimmering and am hoping that it is not just a mirage!  Please!!

A few questions from the technophobe

Now that I have established who I am and what I will and will not be blogging about, I want to ask you guys a few questions. I will probably sound stupid to you but humour me here. As you know I am super doff aka dumb when it comes to computer stuff. I know I should learn but I find it all rather overwhelming and frustrating and it just makes me feel even stupider. Remember when I got that mail from the woman in Sierra Leone who was dying of cancer and promised BB all those millions? I totally believed her and sent her this long sympathetic mail promising to pray for her etc.  I didn’t even believe
Gary at first when he told me it was a big scam and many such scams exists. Last week I had to do a document consisting of a certain amount of words. I suspected there was an easier way of calculating word count but I didn’t know how??? I had to estimate by counting the lines and multiplying by the words in each row.  The next week Gary showed me how and I was like wow, this is so cool. Yip, told you I was a computer dummie. I do ask him lots of stuff but feel embarrassed sometimes so sukkel along by myself. 

Anyway my geeky clever friends, please explain the following to me…
What does tagged mean? What do I have to do?
What does a meme mean?
How do I unjava (is that a word) the stupid frikkin’ poll?
Is a lurker someone who reads your blog but doesn’t comment?
Delurk means they comment for the 1^st time? Right?
How do you link to someone else’s blog on your post? Like when you mention their name and people can click on it to get to that person’s blog?
Is a troll someone who makes nasty comments? If not what is a troll exactly?
How do you get that world map thingy showing where readers come from? (I am on typepad)
Does anyone know how many bloggers are in SA?
And in your country?
Paypal is a pain because of the amount of money lost before BB gets it, is their another way we can get international donations?
Is it worth it having professional design work done on a blog or is it easy to do yourself?
How do you grow your readership?
If someone posts anonymously, how do you find them?

Any other fun bloggy stuff I should know?

PS, typed this a while ago but then felt all clever until yesterday hence the cry for help.   Ignore this cry at your peril! 

Eeny meeny miny mo

Today I had set aside to go to Gordons Bay to get my drivers license.  I could spend 3 hours in a queue playing the ‘who shall I marry’ game.  This game is only to be played at home affairs kind of places.  You need an assortment of strange looking men in all ages and looks. You, the contestant, has GOT to pick one guy to marry.  This game is best played with another girlfriend so you can laugh and stuff.  I know it’s not very kind and I promise the queue guys wouldn’t know, but it is kind of funny.

And then…. I could go surfing on the beautiful winters day. The water is butt cold and I bought booties last week.  My already precarious balance is now totally compromised and I wipe out all the time.  Wiping out is still preferable to having freezing crampy feet though and I am hoping I will get used to them in time.

So lets see… eeny meeny miny mo, catch a tiger by its toe, if it hollers let it go, eeny meeny miny mo,
O U T spells out. Yip, the license place lost so I am off to the beach.

Mornings in the house

I bet your mornings are just as hectic as mine.  In fact, for the working moms with no domestic help, they must be crazy.  I was trying to explain to my beloved husband in a non-confrontational manner how some help would be advised.  Tell me if I am unreasonable here.  Here is the scenario.

Three kids in the house, 1 almost 4 years old, 1 almost 6 year old and 1 almost 12. (birthdays next month)
The almost 12 year old is in grade 6.  He has ADD and forgets and loses almost everything he needs for that day.  As soon as I am slightly slack with him, I pay dearly and we spend the time searching for lost shoes, hockey sticks and doing last second homework while trying to make him a decent breakfast so he can take his meds for the day.
So we have 2 parents here… Parent A and Parent B.  A gets up at 6.15 and makes tea for the family.  B lies in bed until about 7.  A gets the girls dressed dealing with Rebeka’s fussiness and her SID issues which means socks are ‘naughty’, sleeves are scratchy and shoes even naughtier than the socks.  Fifi is fortunately easy to dress and happily wears all Rebeka’s hand-me-downs.  Daniel gets woken up several times before he finally gets dressed.  Then its 3 different breakfasts for 3 different kids who are now hopefully dressed.  At this point parent B makes his or her way to the shower while A is getting their bags ready and packing their lunches.   After a leisurely shower B shaves his/her chin while A gives Daniel his meds which entails opening the capsule and mixing it in yogurt as he gags if he has to swallow it.  A drops Daniel off at school normally as the bell goes at 7.45.  Then A jumps in the shower for a 5 minute wash while the girls are eating breakfast and watching TV.  B sits and eats his/her muesli watching the sports highlights while A jumps out the shower, dresses hurriedly and brushes the girls’ teeth.  If B isn’t going to gym, he/she takes the girls to school with a brief tight lipped kiss from A. (He would get tongue if more help was forthcoming)

When A confronts B and says she feels a bit harried and resentful in the mornings, B says half jokingly that A doesn’t work. (red flag, A now snorting through big snozz!)
Half the time I rush out the house without even eating breakfast or else eating in the car. I am a very busy lady as well that B parent knows!  So, do you think B should help here or as a SAHM, is this ‘my job.’  What are your husbands like? 

PS, Tertia and I have been having lots of fun playing A and B stories, here is a maths sum for you guys.

There are 6 parental chores…. Feeding, bathing, dressing, teeth brushing, making tea and reading a story. One parent, lets call her A, does 6 of the chores, how many does parent B do? 

<script type="text/javascript" language="javascript" src="http://s3.polldaddy.com/p/598881.js"></script><noscript> <a href ="http://answers.polldaddy.com/poll/598881/" >Whose job is it anyway?</a> <br/> <span style="font-size:9px;"> (<a href ="http://www.polldaddy.com"> surveys</a>)</span></noscript>

PS, did lovely Poll.  Can't unjava it???  Did I ever mention I hate computers and they make me feel stupid, stupid, STUPID!

A rainy Mothers Day

I know this day isn’t happy for everyone and my clever sister said it best in her post so pop over for a squizz.  I especially think of girls who no longer have their mom in their life, I can’t imagine not having my mom in mine.  My mother rubs her hands in glee as she sees us, her girls, metamorphosing into herself day by day. I’m now big enough to feel flattered if someone says I am just like her, 15 years ago I would have been less happy!    I love you mom.

I do appreciate this mom-appreciation-day and know how blessed I am to have these 3 kids.  I got 2 bars of Lindt, those yummy Lindt balls and pink roses.  I got homebaked cookies and home drawn cards and fierce hugs and smoochy kisses.  It has been cold and rainy so mostly a chill day at home. (Check out my cozy Fifi girl bedecked in pink snuggly clothes)

To my friends out there who are mothers without children, I send you all the love and compassion and intense wishes I can. Pooh and Flower Faerie, you especially have been in my thoughts from the time I woke up.  Brave and gracious ladies, I love you all the way across the ocean.

A voice in the desert.

I don’t often hear from Him.  I suspect it is because I am yakking so much God can hardly get a word in.  I also think He probably does tell me stuff but I don’t want to hear it so convince myself my plan is MUCH better.  Sometimes I do hear Him though and it is such a comfort and an affirmation. It’s nothing freaky like a big booming voice or an angel at my bedside.  It is a sense of His presence, or a scripture someone sends me or my fave… a picture He gives me.  I wrote this last week in response to a request from my pastor that we share what He tells us during our prayer meeting. (we meet every Wednesday but I hardly ever go, will have to remedy that!) 

Being in the Desert
We have all been there.  It's hot, it’s boring, we are thirsty and desperate and feel lost and alone.  Where is God?  Where is His abundance and blessing?  The desert sucks.
I am wandering there myself actually. I haven’t had church in 4 weeks due to travels and teaching the 3-4’s. This isn’t helping my desert experience.
In desperation I go to prayer despite the fact that my girls have to come with on a cold evening after a warm bath.
Why God, why am I struggling so and why are you with holding blessing for my personal life and for Bosom Buddies. The BB crates are empty and I manage to have just enough for each visit which normally arrives at the eleventh hour. We have never missed a visit due to lack but it is enormously stressful and discouraging to ‘sukkel’ (struggle) at every turn.
I wait for His answer and this is the picture I get.
I am walking in the desert, going slowly forward.  I have just enough to survive and I see big transparent jars on either side of me lining my path. They are jam-packed full with everything I need and want. The lids are tightly screwed shut and I can’t open them. God reminds me He sends manna and quail as food, he sends this daily. He shelters me from the sun of the day and lights a path for my feet at night. He is always enough and He will decide if and when He will open those jars. He expects me to walk on in faith and obedience and in trust. I am like the grumbling Israelites who quickly forgot the miracles and freedom He blessed them with.  I am on my way to the promised land yet I grumble with each step. I sometimes wonder why He tests me when I clearly seem to fail each test and do not do Him proud.  I guess He will continue to teach me these lessons until they are learnt.

I need to be grateful for that manna and quail. I am actually and I do trust Him but I needed this reminder. I won’t pretend I am not sick of manna and quail and wouldn’t rather order something else off the menu, but it is enough for today and I don’t walk this desert path alone. I have living water, I have Him.

Last word on FLDS

Thanks for all the updates and info. I guess it just reiterates how we don’t know all the facts but what we do know, means we HAVE to take action.

My opinion has now changed a little but not my sorrow at the situation. As grown ups, we have to protect children if we feel their parents are not doing that job themselves. Sometimes kids have to be protected from the very people who have been entrusted to keep them safe. Tragic!
In this particular situation, I feel the mothers are also victims and I do feel sad for them. I don’t condone what they have allowed to happen but I also don’t want them to suffer more than they have already. Having your children ripped away from you is surely punishment enough?

I pray those kids will be healed, that families will be reunited and become healthy and that the truly guilty, will get what they deserve. Whatever they may or may not have to face on this earth, they will still have to face God one day and He will not take this lightly. I love Him but have an oh so healthy fear of Him and having to have ‘the talk’ one day before I go skipping through the pearly gates.
He is really busy with me at the moment and I am NOT loving it. I had a very clear revelation of what He is teaching me but I will share that with you tomorrow. 

PS, Friends who stayed at the Radisson after us brought home one last late parcel with boy and yellow clothing, yahooooo! Thanks to darling Ryder who is just 2 years old and his fabulous granny Jean who blessed us so.!

So what’s happening with the FLDS

I found the whole story of the FLDS riveting when I was in the States.  For those who don’t know the whole drama, a polygamist religious sect were living in a big compound in Texas.

They had very little contact with the outside world and had many women and children with not so many men.  I am not sure how many wives each man had, but definitely more than one.  Many of the girls get married and have babies when they are teens.  The husbands are often way older than them, like 30 years older or even more. The women wear long pastel dresses with puffy sleeves (picture the Voortrekker women) and have scary pull-the-ox-wagon kind of hairstyles. They are simple people living a simple life.

Someone had called in and told a newsreader she was sexually abused in the compound along with other girls. The authorities swooped in and found underage mothers and pregnant girls and all hell broke loose. They jailed the leader and some other men and the 435 kids were taken away from their mothers to a place of safety. When I left the US, they had still not been reunited with their frantic moms and many were in foster care. Only nursing babies and those under 2 were allowed to stay with their mothers.

These kids who had never seen TV, most toys, never had rich foods or take outs etc were kept by strangers in an environment completely different to everything they knew.  It was very sad.  So what is the right thing to do here?  The 2 ladies who had once been in the sect but were now free agreed the kids should be rescued and the women assisted.  I agree action should always be taken if abuse is suspected but I disagree with the way it was handled.  Why couldn’t a whole team of social workers, psychologists etc move into the house with the mothers and kids and work with them there.  The damage done to these children by a well meaning state, is irrevocable and tragic.  Imagine your own kids removed from you care for weeks on end with no contact.  Them living in a totally foreign environment? 

So what is the latest? What do you think they should have done?
(PS, read the nutjob comment from my post on the of 20th of April..... weird chick!)

I tried to be minty

I really tried to be better today but then discovered another R1700 had been spent on a different card.   It made me want to cry.  The bastards!   They have a kid and I had decided I wouldn't press charges but I've changed my mind.   Wanna get them, wanna get them bad!  I am not gonna chat today, too unhappy and I know this is just getting boring.  Tomorrow we are going to chat about FLDS in Texas so see you then.

That’s not my kid.

They say who we really are, is revealed when life squeezes us.  What flavour emerges when that tube of toothpaste is squeezed?   I am not such a mint and fresh flavour at the moment, more like bitter and disgusting.  This morning was such a pain in the butt.  I normally have Fifi at home with me on a Monday but I asked if she would like to join me in countless queues or prefer to go to school with her little friends.  She wisely chose the latter and I could at least undergo my root canal experience solo.

It started off OK, I had some ID pics done and while I don’t look like a babe, I no longer look like a criminal which is on my old ID.  Wooolies and Clicks were fairly painless, the bank was not. I also had a bank tantrum like Charlize Theron but I guess no casting agents were in the queue as no one has called me to cast for any movies. I have a certified copy of my ID but that won’t do.
The day I left for the US, I stupidly put my password in during my internet banking with the cap lock on so it locked. Now I don’t have ID so they can’t take the lock off and I can’t get my bank card. I have to get a temporary ID which takes 39 hours in a stinky queue and then 12 days. After 3 months, a permanent ID may or may not arrive.  I gave up on home affairs and went to get my drivers instead. The office closes at 1.00pm despite a  very long line snaking out the entrance. Right, I will just come back tomorrow.

I picture God giving me this little test to see how well I will behave.  I see Him looking down in horror at this bratty, rude impatient child of his with questionable language. I bet He pretends I don’t belong to Him.  Or does the, ‘oh, she’s just a little cranky’ while yanking my hand and dragging me off to the car.  Oh dear, I will be better tomorrow.  Patient, reasonable and minty.