ADD......A mom knows

Remember when my friend 'D’s mom' asked if you all thought her son had ADD?  Well he was assessed by 2 professionals and he has a classic case of ADD.  Mom knew before the assessment but just needed professional confirmation.   

When I did the poll asking your opinion on blogging about ADD specific to ones kids, most of you (70%) thought it was OK to blog about it in order to gain support and knowledge.
Although it is tempting, I need to obey my little peace compass and it says NO. (For the people who do blog about it like darling Angel, please don't feel I am judging you at all.  I have to to do what feels right for us.)  If anyone googles my son’s name one day, they will only be reading amazing things about him and he will get this fab job with its fab salary so he can buy me my beach house already situated in my dreams.   
So I will blog about ADD in general and when its time to let off some steam, my friend 'D’s mom' will be making a guest appearance. OK I do know this is a little annoying and possibly a little naff, but at least I will limit my Jesus blogging that I know drive some of you a little nuts. (Hallelujaaaaaaaah, I love Jesus!!!)

Moving on….

Some of the things I have learnt about ADD to date

Many people are extremely critical about parents of ADD kids. They are accused of labeling their kids and making excuses for their behavior. It is something that is seen as over diagnosed. The stigma is very similar to depression. (Why one would choose to label a kid willy nilly with something that has a negative connotation is beyond me??) 

Diet certainly has an influence but more for ADHD than ADD. Diet affects the behavior of all people and exacerbates certain conditions and masks others. Diet alone will not ‘cure’ ADD. 

ADD is often not picked up by teachers or parents because these kids are day dreamers and not disruptive. They are also highly intelligent so cover up for years. A mom will very possibly feel guilty and rather stupid for not picking it up sooner. She will also be more than a little pissed at the teachers and school for not picking this up! Grrrrrrrr!!! Once you know, it seems so obvious and all the previous behavior and learning problems become so inevitable and easier to explain. 

I think ADD and especially ADHD kids are challenging to raise and my heart goes out to these parents. Parents need coping strategies as well, they need time out. School holidays are actually a big relief for these parents as the pressure and inevitable moaning, nagging and reminding can be put on hold for a while. The constant supervision required for homework is time consuming and frustrating. 

Meds for these conditions has a HUGE stigma and once again parents are forced to defend themselves to people who are ignorant and judgmental. They do not have kids with these conditions and know only the little they read from a mag article or from class mom gossip.
Medicating your child is a hard and painful decision and not taken lightly.  A parent looks at the whole picture, the whole person and their whole life. Unfortunately everything has side effects so one has to find the meds best suited for that individual.

Being distracted and sometimes struggling to focus (all kids do this) is simply NOT the same as having ADD or ADHD. Think of the depression analogy. We all get sad or depressed sometimes. We do NOT all suffer from depression. The sad folk will go for a walk, swim, eat a chocolate or buy something nice. True depression requires medication to affect the brain chemistry. They are unable to function 'normally' as partners, mothers, friends and employees if they do not have the necessary medication. In time, as adults, they might learn to manage their condition without meds and live a relatively normal life. 

ADD & ADHD affects every part of a persons life too. It is not only at school but at home, at sports, relationships with friends and all social situations.
Self –esteem and confidence is one of the hardest hit areas for these kids. The irony is the high intelligence factor and trying to get from point A to point B. They usually are big under achievers so require more intense one on one time to study.
Although I am not a big fan of home schooling (a whole new post altogether) as I don’t have the patience, I know this would really help a child with this learning problem. 

Behavior modification is an essential parenting tool for these families. Becoming organized and having lists and reminders makes life easier for everyone concerned.
If a kid cannot even remember to brush teeth, pack a bag or put shoes on…. Imagine what a whole day in the classroom is like. Try and be patient and remember it is not their fault. Replacing lost items is irritating and costly. Having to always drive back to school to fetch books, phone other kids to find out what is for homework further adds to a parents frustration. Work with what you have and build systems and coping strategies for your kid. I am going to do a post on some practical tips I know about and ask for yours in return. In fact I will do it next and stop here because I could go on forever about ADD & ADHD.
It is a big deal in my life and I intend getting more and more knowledgeable about it!

   I look forward to hearing your experiences.

Comments

[angel]

a brilliantly thoughtful and well written post mel- please pass my love and hugs and support on to d's mom!!! she has all my thoughts and prayers!
i so know what she's going through when it comes to people's criticism and judgementalism, even non-parents seem to think they know better than me!!
behaviour modification is indeed vital, lists and routine (and routine- repeat repeat repeat) make a HUGE difference, and consistency of course!

[Julia]

What a great post! You have said it exactly like it is. I understand perfectly about you not wanting to blog about it and I love the idea of D's mom making a guest appearance on the odd occasion. People are indeed vey judgemental and it's always those who are either not going through this difficult situation or people without kids. I don't understand it though. Why would any parent actually want to give their kids medication to control certain behaviours? Why would any parent want to label their child?
I pray that you will find peace where this is concerned. I know it isn't easy. And I'm looking forward to some great tips in the future. At the moment we are into serious routine and repetition. My son is only in Grade 1 and can't really read yet but we will start introducing lists in the next 2/3 months.
Thank you for being brave enough to share this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Coral]

Hi Mel, Don't feel inadequate, I found out when my son was 15 he was ADD. That is shocking, but as you say they cover up so well. My son, even today can do the most amazing mental arithmatic. Because he is covering up!! Best wishes to you all! BTW did the psychologist say he had the high IQ I though he had?

[Mel]

Thanks lovely girls. He does have a high IQ and his maths ability was put at age 16. Reading and spelling way below but we are working on this!

[Wobs]

I don't think anybody should judge. We don't know what is in store for us. Lots of blessings and positive energy to all parents thats children suffer from ADD or ADHD - you need to do what suits you (as parents) and what is necessary to help the child. Don't listen to what "other" people say. There is a great quote that says, "sometimes the najority only means that all the fools are on the same side".

[V]

We had a meeting with the school last week to try and address my son B's 'concentration problems'. We are not very happy with them at the moment as most of it was not what can the school do to help him but what we as parents can do. Anyway, we are looking into doing a course of neuro biofeedback at Mindworx as well as AIT (auditory integration therapy). Plus relooking at nutrition. We are already doing the list and routine thing which does seem to help. I will let you know how it goes.