Doula Mel

5.15am wake-up call

Yip, I put her in bed making sure she lavished puppy breath kisses all over the guy who brought her into my home and heart.   Tomorrow I tell you the big decision and all the repercussions thereof. 

ULTIMATE MANIPULATION

So look what Gary brought home last night.    I am feeling rather manipulated.  In an effort to placate me he says it is only for the weekend and Zara (of course that is our name) will go back on Monday if she doesn't work out.  So basically, I get to be the super bad guy and send this cute little puppy back home after my kids have fallen in love with her.   Harumph!
Zara is beautiful no doubt.  BUT, I didn't want a puppy, I didn't want a rottie as even though research shows they are good with kids, I still have that fear.  I didn't want to train a dog in winter.  Picking up poop and wiping up wee is not so much fun.   Rotties are a man's dog, they are not a little girl's dog.  Gary loves her but he works from 7.30 every morning until 7.30 at night with 2 of the 5 nights being 8.30.
Oh flip, what do I do here?  She is lovely, cute as can be but one day she will grow huge.  I have 36 hours to make a decision.

(How those sad little 'please keep me' eyes!)

Mauritius here we come!

Enough of gloomy Melanie.  Yesterday was hard but I will continue to process it internally and not subject you to my melancholic despair.   A while ago I asked you all what would you do if you had a policy that you could cash out: go on a grand holiday with your family vs spending the money on something sensible like another education policy, painting your house, saving it for a rainy day, fixing your driveway, saving the world?
Some of you said GO.  Memories are priceless, their will always be something more sensible to spend your money on, ALWAYS.
Others said CRAZY fool.   It is a recession.  You will have nothing to show for your 10 days family holiday afterwards.  It is a waste, irresponsible.   My own Dad and big sister who are both real homebodies, told me to save the money.  My little sister and mother, said bon voyage, go Mel go!
And me, who loves traveling and has to go through the stress of leaving my kids each year for Gary's work incentive trips, said ..... lets go, lets ALL go!    I want to have the excitement of taking my kids on a plane and going to another country.  They have never been out of SA.   Daniel went on a plane at 6 but the girls haven't been.   Our flight leaves at 5.45 in the morning so it is even MORE exciting!    We  have to wake up while it is dark and drive to the airport.   We only leave in 4 months but we talk about it all the time.  Packing our bags, the airplane and games we will bring with, the apartment where we will stay.   How the sea will feel and how the fish will look.  How they can eat whatever they like for breakfast and as much as they like.  (In fact we are not taking the lunch package we we will feed them like little fois gras at breakfast!)    We are so excited and just the pre hype, is worth it anyway.  Ten precious days with my family, loving, laughing, swimming, very quiet teenage fumblings with my husband so we don't wake them, SUPER fun!
I do believe memories are priceless and I also know we need to be sensible and provide for our future. I am Sensible Suzie most of the time but sometimes I do the 'let's just go' thing.   In 4 months time we get on that plane and get a little piece of heaven.  WhoooHooooo!   

The shared Shame

I met my mom at The Jewish Holocaust Museum today.  I have always had a deep love and respect for the Jewish people but have never been to a museum.  Seeing Schindler's List was so painful and shocking I cried for weeks.  Knowing what you will see makes it hard to go, it's painful, it's depressing and just horrendous.  Yet, we need to see, to never forget, to know how evil man can be and how easy it is to get swept in awful ideologies.   Thousands of 'normal' people that became numb to the horror, that joined in the hate and the cruelty.  How on earth?   How did you march skeletal starved people towards their death and gas them?  How do you throw their bodies on a pile and the remove gold fillings and cut off their hair. How do you separate children from their parents and murder millions?   
If it was just one psychopath Hitler, I could understand, but thousands of people?  

And then, I read about a ship of 900 Jews finally getting to Florida only to be turned away and sent back to Germany because of immigration laws.  Sent to their death.   The UK, the same, South Africa eventually put a stop to Jewish immigration too.   The last few skeletal survivors who have lost home, family, friends, health and get turned away from other countries.   Not doing anything about prejudice and cruelty is as bad as being the perpetrator.   We are all guilty, it is our collective shame.   I think what depressed me the most, is we are still doing it.   We have filthy racism.  We have people who are starving and homeless and uneducated and who are cold.   We have a government who moves people to a new place to make their homes from sheets of tin.   The place can be anywhere in SA but in this instance, it is in Grabouw where no toilets were built and no running water.  Everyone poos in the bush or a stream close by.  The disease is rife.   This morning I hear of a mother whose baby was still under 1.8 kilograms but who was discharged from Eersteriver.  By Monday, the baby was dead.   We had 2 stillbirths this morning, both mothers sitting on a chair in the middle of a ward filled with live babies and nursing mothers.
Let me stop now, its is just too damn sad and so damn F'up.   I'm cross!    

Is it the Chad / Yaz?

Remember that line from Charlie's Angels... is it the Chad?    Well, I have had a few body issues lately and I am wandering if it isn't 'the Yasmin?'  I know it takes a while for one's bod to get used to the pill again so I am hoping it is that.   I feel a little nauseous and burpy, belch!  I also feel extremely anxious.  The anxiety might be another issue I am dealing with.  I am not able to blog about it but basically their has been a problem which wasn't dealt with very well at all and it has just had the worst ripple effect.  
The verse I keep on getting is about yeast unchecked that works through an entire batch of dough.   It is not a direct BB issue but it does have the potential to affect us negatively.
I am not about to lose my ministry that I have spent over 3 years building.  Forget about it!   In fact we are getting really close to starting our ante-natal classes and we are super excited.   We will be directly responsible for educating pregnant woman and eliminating much of the uncertainty and anxiety.  They will have a better birth and both mom and baby will be happier.  Do you have any idea of how privileged I feel in doing this?

The best thing of all is that we want to build a model that other hospitals can adopt through using women in their community.  Our very 1st sewing class happened today too.   I am adopting the Nike approach, Just do it!   It's not perfect, we need to tweak and change and learn along the way but procrastination can be crippling so I figure by just starting, we are half way there already.  

Other stuff:  I am finally better.  I had to take Sofia to the doc today for an ear infection and chesty cough.  I also got Gary antibiotics as he coughs like an old man every night and almost puts his back out.  Poor guy, poor me who has to sleep in the girls' room with a pillow over my head.  I love my new doc (Thanks Tracey!) and best of all, the receptionists are really friendly and helpful and I told them so.   Please forgive my bitchy tone yesterday, I am not justifying anything but I was pretty scared.  Also imagine if I had to be syrupy sweet all the time?   I would irritate the poop out of all of you and you wouldn't believe me anyway!

Medical Receptionists, not so much.

So I went off to the see the surgeon this morning.  I felt nervous and a little scared but then I looked at my new pashmina given to me by Jo at the Stronger conference and felt better.  She had STRONGER embroidered in bright pink and I remembered I am no ordinary girl, I am one with the spirit of God inside.
The appointment was OK, the doctor didn't smile and had the personality of a lettuce leaf left out the fridge for too long.  He looked like Mr Bean and I could just picture him at school way back when.  
When Gary had his neck op we actually laughed after his doc had seen him.   Bedside manner, not so much.  He actually told Gary about all the things that could go wrong including death of course.   I remember when Sofia had grommets put in and adenoids out.  I was desperate for reassurance so asked the anesthetist if she would be fine.   His answer:  Their are no guarantees in life.  WTF?   I am a frightened mother of a little girl not yet 2 and you can't say something to make us feel safe?
My other gripe, medical receptionists with a little false sense of power.   Job description:  Guard the doc at all costs.  Pretend you have learned medicine by osmosis so give advice instead of asking the doc. Never be too friendly to the patient and make them fill out numerous forms using the pen with a very short string attached to the clipboard. If you do give someone an appointment, ensure they are very grateful and do not let them know if doc is running late.   I could go on...

So, he says its probably nothing to worry about and doesn't think it is a tumour.   Next Thursday I will go into theater for a quick little visit to remove it and send it away to be sure.   I am 99% Ok about it but the fear creeps in every so often and I remember how we were SURE the tests would all be negative after my moms ovaries were removed.   I had a BB board meeting straight after wards and my very sweet Lordy friends prayed for me and I definitely felt more peaceful.   At the end of the day, we don't know.  We have no guarantees, who knows when it is our time to go.   I am not scared of dying but I need to be old and wrinkly when I do.   I need my kids to be over 50 years old.   

PS, I have to quickly point out that my beloved Pediatrician has the most amazing receptionist working for him called Lorna.   We do have exceptions out there!

Birds do it, bees do it, even chameleons do it!

How much is that doggie in the welfare ...

The one with the waggedy tail.   Yip folks, we are that much closer to getting our dog.  I appreciate all the advice you so wisely shared the last time I asked which was about a month or 2 ago methinks?   So I have conquered the 1st step... actually deciding to get one.   Gary and I have succumbed to kid pressure and now it is WHEN and not IF.   We are still not agreeing on the breed here, he wants rottie puppy, I want rescue dog or a dog with its owner going overseas.  I know some of you said puppies best as they grow with your family but I am going for young dog rather, I just don't have puppy patience.
I have googled and asked and read and now it is just finding that dog that fits in with our family.  A very cute stray dog has been rescued by someone and we hoped to meet her.  Her temporary name is Katie (she is very skinny so named after Kate Moss) and she is supposedly good with kids and poops outside.   I have been contacting animal welfare associations and viewing the dogs featured on the newsletter, it is really hard to choose one.   I received a mail back from Katie's foster parents asking me if I had another dog to keep Katie company and where would she sleep.   Nope, no dog but 3 loving kids... isn't that enough?  Crap, I don't have to get TWO dogs do I?   Do they get lonely?   What about being a man's BF and all that?   As for sleeping.. kennel outside and a basket inside.   You will have to give me dog parenting tips when I finally get a dog so we don't make bad habits.  

Yesterday we befriended a dog we have called Gorgeous who lives in our neighbourhood.  We were loving him through the fence and when we left, my girls sobbed their hearts out.    Its time, I just have to get that dog now.   Katie is out as her foster parent was a little too hectic for me but there are thousands of dogs out there who are just waiting for loving families to take them home.   Here is a pic of Fifi with Tracey's dog Moses.   Lovely yes but no, I can't do a great dane, they are just too damn huge!

My new BF Yasmin

I am still half dead today so a half dead post to follow.  Seriously, my throat, my neck, my ear and right cheek, very sore.  I am getting an anti-biotic today which I start tonight.  I am supposed to attend a really awesome women's church conference organized by my friend Jo from Life Church.  I had the whole thing planned with getting the kids sorted while I went to the pampering session and worship evening. I was going to clap with a vengeance, perhaps even do a little holy hop.   Now however, I will wallow in self-pity and not watch DSTV (&^%$ not working) and miss half the conference.  I really needed it but I will go to the 2nd half tomorrow.    I know, I will blame that devil chap for totally zapping me, must be him right?

Idols... we are down to 2 and I cannot watch the final until the DSTV is sorted out.   I was VERY sad to see Gokey go and when he sang that last song, I just knew everyone was thinking about his late wife and it was damn sad.   Little Chris is sweet but I am sure Adam will take it. 

Max.... still the sweetest little boy in the land.  He has this peaceful vibe about him.   Yesterday he lay on his big brother's lap while Rose was filling up the toy box (the family less fussed with having the 'right' stuff this time) to give him his bath.   Adam looked so big and was so gentle with him.  very cute!

And my girly-bits, all fine.   Apparently I also have polycycstic ovaries but not everyone has the symptoms that go with it.  I feel very lucky obviously.  Everything clear and no nasty stuff lurking.   We discussed my PMS and have decided to try going on the pill Yasmin.  It feels odd going on the pill when Gary has had the big V but it sounds all good.  Lovely skin, a period every 9 weeks, (she recommends taking 3 packets skipping the placebo and only taking it after 3 packets) less psycho behaviour, no water retention and just generally more of a happy camper.  I will try it for 3 months and then take stock.   The other option was anti-deps which my other doc also said but I am so not keen, it doesn't feel right when I know it isn't depression.  I will also try red clover tea as suggested by one of you clever ladies.  She reckons it is amazing for headaches and all hormonal issues.   Off to creep into my bed until someone calls me for something, I probably have about 5 minutes.   Sucks being a sick mom!

Super-gynae report back tomorrow

I will chat tomorrow, right now I am going to watch Idols.  Do NOT tell me who wins, I will know tomorrow evening as I taped the shows and I am 1 day behind.  (I have avoided all US blogs for this very reason.)
Apparently that one week Adam landed up being in the bottom 3 was because his bisexual1ty was revealed.  Like huh?   The viewers blind or something, of course the chap isn't all together straight!  I hope he does win, he is one seriously talented rock star dude.
Later. xxx
PS, I have just made my sore throat 10 times worse by yelling at my kids after asking them a hundred three times to get into bed.   They almost pooped in their PJ's and sprang into bed so I guess it worked but I still hate it when I shout.