Doula Mel

Was this only last week?

This has been one of those weird loooooooong weeks full of high drama and emotion.   Last Friday was SO much fun and then the wheels came off Daniel's ride.   We are all much better, I was pretty hectic myself.  My hormones are going ballistic again but seem to be relatively OK for right now.   Did I ever tell you I ditched theYaz?  She made me cry alot and spot continuously which in itself, is enough to make any girl cry.   I had forgotten how desperate I feel though, I even got a script for ant-deps which remains unscripted at this point but is my little safety net.  Next week we will have the happy pills debate and you can all tell me what you think.   Almost losing both your parents at 60 years old is a helluva thing I tell you, I feel like I am only really dealing with it now post the event.   Lots to tell you all but its Friday night and I don't want to be on my computer when Gary walks in, prefer to look like a devoted mother than a 'play on my blog ignore my kids mother.'   Bye, enjoy the pics... note the height difference between the boys and girls!

The Novitzkas animal kingdom

Now its other dogs too!   I think I might be morphing into a dog person.  Slowly of course but none the less surely.   I still think they are pretty annoying but mingled in with irritation and disgust at being face licked, is quite a bit of affection and enjoyment.   I love walking my dog and checking out how they all interact.  Even chatting with fellow doggie-folk, its all good.

After getting myself into a state about Zara's temperament and considering returning or re-homing her, things have normalized.  Well normal for having a 3 month old rottie crazy dog.   The animal behavioral therapist came to assess her and declared her 'normal.'   I was so worried she had an aggro streak but I was told to get that out my head.   Apparently she is somewhat stubborn (like her mistress) and the things she does is pretty standard for her age and breed.   She has graduated from her 6 week puppy socialization and starts real dog training at about 6 months.   She is a mad dog but lots of fun.  She is a real vraat (pig I guess?) and eats EVERYTHING she can steal.   I am still feeding her Royal Canin but somehow she manages to steal food off counters, out of kids hands and the scraps the linger in my disgustingly dirty car.   Last night I had a bath and she did her normal thing of trying to drink the bath water.  Next minute she grabs the soap and not a damn will let me take it out her mouth.  She chomps it!  She actually eats a whole bar of soap, idiot mutt!  

Cats, pretty boring.  Sorry cat people, I promise I am not neglecting them or anything and Daniel still adores his Tallie but they do not add too much value.   Charlie is ok, I am very fond of him but his sister, pain in the bum.  And Doodles, poor Doodles.  Once again I have a rat with a massive lump.  Remember how I debated whether I should have Cuddles (or was it Sweedles?) euthanized and eventually we let her go as the tumour got so huge.  This time I decide not to prolong the suffering and Doodles goes to Fifi's school for her last school visit.    I say my sad goodbyes:   'You were a sweet, good rat Doodles and we love you.  Sorry you have to die but I don't want you to suffer.'    I place her lovingly in the car and Gary goes off to the vet.   She is diagnosed with breast cancer and is sent home as apparently she is not suffering or in pain.   WTF?    I said goodbye and their she comes back, my poor little rat with this MASSIVE lump on one of her many boobs.  I know this is a little sick and all that but you know my humour so her new nickname is Tumour-Anne.   Yes I know its terrible but only Gary and I call her that and then we laugh at how terrible we are.   Poor little Doodles aka Tumour-Anne.  Seriously though, I hate to see her suffer but I am told I only need to bring her back if she goes off her food.   She really is a sweetheart.

Paul Roos Gymnasium it is!

So we have picked the school after much debating, praying, chatting and desperately looking for all sorts of signs divine and otherwise.   Daniel is resigned and accepting but certainly not enthusiastic or excited yet.  That is OK, I am trusting the next 6 months will produce that.   At least he is no longer sad.   My brother wrote him the most amazing e-mail which I think was the final convincing factor for Daniel.  He is only 28 so still considered cool and having a worthwhile opinion.  Daniel admits the same letter from someone else would not carry the same weight.   I have also been chatting to Tertia's good friend Meriel on FB who has a son there in grade 8.  She made us all feel much better plus revealed a fishing club which appeals to Daniel.   She reckons getting your kid to talk to one who is at the school helps loads so they can learn the unwritten rules... what is cool and what is not.  We meet on Friday.

I have absolute peace about sending him there and believe he will be very happy.  After reading Meriel's comments, I am even EXCITED and just grateful to God for honoring my prayers.  I always said I would pray him in as his chances on paper were pretty slim.   I am also very much of the opinion that the high school you go to is crucial for your future hence that little policy that is sending us off to Mauritius in about 60 sleeps time.   Did I mention the fees of this school are the same as the local school?   

I will ensure he stays in contact with his old mates and have regular cool stuff at my house which we often do anyway.  We are still debating about the bus service as it is super early and not that cheap but the friendship factor and the girls on the bus are very tempting.    What a ride the past week has been.  BEFORE we even heard about the school I had sent a text to sister T telling her I needed a chance with her therapist and a handful of happy pills.  All sorts of sh*t going on in my head but at least the school one is now resolved.  Hallelujahhhhhhhhhh!

The pain of their pain

Their is nothing more painful than watching those we love experience emotional pain.   With ones kids, it is even worse.  Physical pain is temporary, I am disgustingly unsympathetic.  Emotional pain or disappointment, it cuts me to the quick.  Those times when your child is friendless or doesn't get invited or picked for a team.  Times they tried so hard but didn't make the grade.   Ouch.

Daniel had the BEST weekend.  Friday was the disco, 5 of them slept over, Saturday they had pancakes and wandered around our neighborhood.  Saturday afternoon was spent fishing at the damn, the night a sleepover at Robert's house, Sunday church, then mall, then we had lunch at friends while the boys walked over the mountain all the way down to the other side in the nature reserve.   Sunday night Gary and I geared up for the big school talk and prepared what we had to say.  I asked God for His wisdom and guidance and we all had a pre-chat chill talking about the renovations and how cool the new room would be.

Then.... we told him we got a letter and he didn't even ask, he knew what it was about.  His head bent down and the tears just came and he cried his poor little heart about.   We spoke for ages all sharing our opinions and we have committed to thinking, praying and talking about it the whole week before we decide.   I expected a fight, not this huge disappointment and massive bout of tears.  This morning he went to school with small swollen eyes and a heavy heart.   Thank you for all your comments, I appreciate the input.  At the end of the day though, he is just too young to have the final say although I will very carefully consider all he has to say.  My heart breaks for him and choosing the local school would be so easy.   The big choices in life are seldom easy though and I need to do what I believe is best for my boy.  Gary has been awesome in all this and spoke to him with so much love, wisdom, patience and respect.  I told him the way to my heart is not diamonds, holidays or gifts, it is the way he loves our boy.  I love you Gary, I am so grateful to have you co-parent with me and share the load.

At a very crucial fork

Remember those times when you made a decision and your whole life changed.  It could be going out one night instead of staying home and meeting your husband, choosing a certain subject at school instead of another which in turn influenced your career choice, choosing your city to live in and all that follows.   I have had many of these where I occasionally look back and think... what if I had chosen X instead of Z.   I think everything we experience makes us who we are but still, I wish I had taken that other fork in a few of my 'which way' situations.

Now I am faced with a huge one only it is not my future at stake here which makes it so much harder.   Remember the whole high school saga for Daniel.  We have the private school at R100 000 for the 1st year.  (Excluding books & uniform but including the 44 000 deposit)   We had the local high school where he wants to go and all his friends are going at 12 000 and then we had the very prestigious all boys school that is over 100 years old and has incredible grounds, traditions and values.  He received the letter for the regular high school on his birthday and we were both super excited.  It is close, it is affordable and has a good reputation.   The private school was out and we hadn't heard from the all boys school so we presumed we didn't get in.  (Very tough entrance requirements and very selective with only 30% of applicants getting in and most of them super sporty A side kids.   Daniel probably in due to his brilliant maths, prayer and my letter of ref I wrote!)

On Friday Gary gets a mail saying they posted Daniel's acceptance letter for the boys school in early June and why hadn't we responded.   What a freak out!  I haven't told him yet as the disco was yesterday.   If you are a RLF (real life friend) please don't say anything to him.   I just don't know what to do???    I need to make my pros and cons list.   He will be so unhappy if he hears he isn't going local anymore.   Yet what if later he is so disappointed he was giving the chance to go to this very prestigious excellent school and I didn't send him?  I went to a very average regular high school and while I had loads of fun, I definitely under achieved and would have fared better academically at a good school.   EQ, IQ.... what to do?   I want him to reach his full potential, I want him to have pride and self-respect and integrity and while I obviously know much of that comes from his home, his school clearly has a big influence too.   I feel like this choice influences his entire future.

We have only ever had 3 real fights.  The 1st was when he was 3 or 4 years old and he was cruel to his bunnies and sprayed the cage with water.  I went crazy and was very upset.  The 2nd time was when he swore at my mother and almost made her cry.  It was when Rebeka was a baby and he was jealous.  I also went nuts and wanted to kill him.   The last time was when I took part in the mom-son swimming race at school standing in my swimming costume 5 months preg and he had buggered off so I stood there at the side of the pool embarrassed and cross.  That was 5 years ago and we haven't had a big fight since.   If I force him to go to the boys only school, it will probably be fight number 4.    But he would get over the disappointment and hopefully love it later.  Or hate it?    Please tell me what you think.   Lurkers, crawl out from under that rock and give me some advice pls.   Going nuts here!

Guess where I am at?!

A real live disco with strobe lights, laser lights, a smoke machine and that purple light that makes everyone's eyeballs and teeth look freaky white.   The disco happens to be in my living room which is filled with 20 thirteen year olds doing all sorts of odd dances.
Yes I know I should be paroling the garden to make sure no one is smooching (as opposed to blogging) but it is freezing out so I am hoping based on the way they have behaved in the past 4 and half hours, all is OK.  Only 1 hour to go so I am hiding out here doing a quick post.
We braaied/barbecued for supper, they danced, they jumped on the trampoline, played hide-and-go-seek and generally acted their awkward in-between age.   I love watching the social interaction between boys and girls.  Gary says he is going to have to teach Daniel a few tips about the opposite sex.   Clearly he is a winner dater as he married me!    Gary is in that fortunate position of having Daniel think he is the coolest dad EVER as he organized all the lights for this party.   He is also right at the top of the cool ladder thanks to this 13th party that apparently rocks.   Its a cool feeling to do something for your kid that you know they just love.  It was a close call as this morning he acted like a real arsehole and I felt like saying forget your party you undeserving little sh*t!   But, all is forgiven and we are having fun.  I better go and check what they are up to and hope the last 38 minutes doesn't drag out too long, being disco mama has worn off now.

Zumba, Zumba, Zumba!

I am not a gym bunny. I find it way to boring to mindlessly exercise and I feel like a lost fart wafting around there self-consciously.  I need to do something fun or competitive and the exercise must be incidental. I only started exercising in my thirties. We started playing tennis when Sofia was only a few weeks old. I only had 2 hours before I had to race my soon-to-explode-boobs home to feed my baby.   My trusty tennis partner moved on and eventually we stopped playing completely. It was actually awesome fun and I might just resurrect my Tennis-Barbie status when summer hits.

Then I joined the gym like a poep but couldn't manage the required 24 times a year.  Bad I know!  I soon forgot about that little error so did it again.    Once again I lost the membership.  Once surfing hit I was totally hooked and loved and craved the rush and the whole ocean experience. In winter this rush seemed a whole lot less appealing and being stiff and freezing is actually pretty kak. We surfed the 1st winter being newbies and all but this winter I am freely admitting to being a wuss and skipping the surfer-dude persona. (I did surf Monday which only served to reveal how much fitness I had lost and how butt-cold it was!)  So now, I am gym barbie again and determined not to lose the membership. I know in summer I won't go too often but fortunately Rebeka has swimming training there weekly which at least covers my compulsory attendance. I used to stick to training in the pool to try and maintain some surfing paddle fitness but yesterday I found a whole new cool thing to do..... Zumba!

It is an exercise class doing Latin American dancing.  The music is loud and fast and much of it, Spanish.   I have been to Rio de Janeiro as well as spent 2 months in Madrid and I love that music and style and culture.  Super SEXY!  I love all the dances and this incorporates those plus some hip hop.   As you know being uncoordinated and a tad shy, I am not the 1st to hit the dance floor and not likely to be doing the Samba, Rumba or anything else like that.  I do enjoy dancing but need a few glasses of wine to find my mojo.  This however, I couldn't resist and fortunately went to the 1st class alone.   I got to dance like I have always wanted to but wouldn't dare.  Much of the time I was lost trying to follow the routine which required my arms to do one beat and my legs another.  I am sure I looked pretty lame half the time but I had too much fun to care.   I shook my butt, I waved my arms, I pumped, I punched, I stepped along with a whole group of ladies of all ages and all sizes and shapes.   Naturally I am stiff as an old granny today but on Monday morning, I am back.    WhooFrikkinHoo!

LOVING this mama honeymoon

Their is a stage in mothering where you kids are not such a pain in the arse so needy anymore and gain a certain level of independence.   Reading a book, working on your computer, watching TV all become possible and while you may be interrupted occasionally, you are not worrying too much about your kids playing in their room.    Every so often your kids are in the bath and they actually wash themselves, get out by themselves and present themselves to you in their PJ's.   Oh the thrill of it, it's WONDERFUL!   Fears get less... falling in the pool, falling full stop, choking on beads, eating dog poop, hurting themselves, it lessons.

I am well aware this stage ends when your kids enter their teens and the worries become way more serious.   We have driving with a drunk friend, driving drunk themselves, sex, HIV, pregnancy, drugs, bad friends, showing off like diving into a river where the depth is unknown, speeding in their car or motor bike, sneaking out..... I could go on!   For me though, Daniel is not quite there yet and knowing some of these issues will rear their ugly head in the future, makes me treasure this time even more.   I am just loving this stage and loving my critters.

I have to admit seeing my poor sister suffer with her 2 babies of 3 and half and almost 2, definitely cemented the relief of not following that major broody urge I had a year or 2 ago.   The poor girl runs her butt off and has been all alone with them since hubby Paul went back to Singapore.  She also has to fly back ALONE with them for a kazzillion hours on the plane. 
Tertia on the other hand is also in the honeymoon stage with Katie & Adam being 4 and half and Max only 2 months.  He is such an easy baby plus has super nanny Rose to attend to every little ooh or ah or whimper.   I think the honeymoon baby stage lasts till they are crawling or putting everything in their little mouths and then its run-run-run for the next 3 or 4 years.  Where are you girls at?    What is the best thing about their age, and the worst?    Moaning or bragging perfectly acceptable!

Action Packed weekend

Sorry no blogging for the past 3 days.  I have been savouring the last few days of school holidays.  You already know my take on home schooling and how I am extremely glad I don't do have to do it.  Yet, I do envy you ladies when the rest of us have to go back to school term and the mad hustle and bustle and rush.   I know you need to be disciplined and all that and get through lessons but the flexibility and no rush mornings must be pretty damn marvelous.

So Friday I took the kids on a much promised trip off to Ratanga Junction.  It is our equivalent of Disney but nowhere near as awesome of course.   Sofia finally makes the cut when wearing shoes for some of the cooler rides so we had so much fun.  I was really impressed how brave my girls were and although we clung onto each other like monkeys and yelled like banshees, we felt frightfully big and brave.  Daniel had a lady friend with so they went off by themselves for most of the day.  Our roller-coaster is called the cobra and it is pretty hectic.  I don't love it, not one bit.  I did promise Daniel though so off I went and closed my eyes really tight and opened my mouth really wide and screamed all the way through.  My boerewors roll I had earlier wanted to be transformed into some pretty gross vomit but I managed not to hurl and swore I would never do it again.   By the end of the day my girls did the smaller roller coaster all by themselves while I stood on the sidelines yelling at them to to hold on for their dear little lives.   Awesome fun day for all of us.

Saturday Zara turned 3 months and Madiba aka Nelson Mandela, turned 91.  What an incredible man who is so loved by everyone.   What a pain in the arse dog who is only loved by her immediate family.  Nina and her kids spent the weekend with us and we had brother Paul and Tertia & her fam over for a late afternoon barbie.  The weather was still stunning and it was cool to spend the afternoon together with the siblings although my folks obviously didn't come.  

And today, Daniel & I finally went off for our quad biking date.   The terrain is really rough and the floods from last week made it muddy and cool to ride.   It is actually hard work maneuvering that big bike and Daniel kept on yelling at me to go faster and catch up with him and his buddy William.  He loved it and gave his goofy delighted laugh every so often just loving the thrill and speed and adrenalin rush.  He is fearless and crazy which is not good for my mama heart yet I love his very boy essence and how he has to push it and show off in front of me being the super cool boy while nerdy mom follows at a more sedate pace.   We collected the girls, the dad and the dog on the way home and spent 2 hours down on the beach enjoying the winter sun and eating ice-cream.   Tomorrow the rush-rush starts all over again but at least I know next holidays.... Mauritius here we come! 

Wotalotigot

Eight grandkids, I hope I have so many one day!  You can only imagine what it was like getting 8 kids to all look at the camera never mind a smile or any kind of pose.   The 3 sisters had more fun doing our shoot and I will post some more pics once the magic Renee has airbrushed us to our liking.