Time to talk health and body again. I love being healthy and I appreciate my body. I do not take it for granted and I am determined to be a fit and funky old lady one day who does all sorts of things. Genetics have not dealt me the kindest hand and I am aware of what lurks in my DNA. Unfortunately anxiety and depression is one as you know although I fortunately only have the former to battle. I found an old notebook from 10 years ago when I first met Gary and it was interesting to see that my anxiety was hanging around then already. Milder than now but old Agatha was definitely there.
So Agatha is accepted and controlled via diet and exercise. Unfortunately I just can't seem to do the drugs. Last week she was a little manic but now its just normal boom-boom beating heart anxiety. My current health problem that is getting me down physically and mentally, is my cronky back. I have had back ache for years and the times between pain and stiffness seems to be shorter. Its debilitating and most of the things I love to do, make it worse. Surfing...killer. Its the angel of my back when I am paddling. Ironically surfing is brilliant for anxiety and makes me so damn happy so not being able to, well, makes me so damn sad. Sex...serious back ache the next day. My husband assures me sex is excellent for all sorts of health problems and should be done on a very regular basis so having bad back ache the next day is very sucky indeed. Tennis, running, climbing the mountain...all hurt my lower back. The pain is in the right hip which spreads to my lower back and I get all tight in my right butt cheek and all down my leg gets super tight. At the moment just bending down to put my trainers on pinches the nerves and I haven't even STARTED to exercise.
I have been to physio and I am currently seeing a chiropractor. He had done x-rays and can;t see anything drastically wrong. I went for some blood tests last week and I see him today for the results to see if it isn't something else. Its just not working. Who do I see and what do I do? Osteopath? Surgeon? I know I should have an MRI but I don't have 7K right now and we are not on full medical aid. Once I know whats wrong I promise I will start pilates even though I find it really boring and feel embarrassed at being as flexible as a 80 year old. I have found someone who is a physio and pilates teacher and will schedule a session. Shit, fine, I will phone right now. OK, left a msg.
I want an abundant life. I was at church on Sunday and they had this really nasty crown of thorns that made me want to cry every time I looked at it. He died such an horrendous death and He said he came to give us life and life in abundance which is my right and my claim. Gary says I am being stubborn by insisting on doing the 10km Vital run/walk which is in 2 weeks time. No, I want to run in the vineyards with my friend. I want to climb our mountain and surf and have passionate sex with my husband. I want to play terrible tennis with my friend where we spend half the time apologising and laughing because we suck so badly. These are Godly things I just know God would want me to enjoy. I insist on this abundant life and being in pain and not being able to do all I want to is just rubbish. I will get better, I will find someone who can fix my back and I will not stop asking God to heal me. I will become such a pain in the arse that eventually He will turn around and say enough already, your back is healed. Please God. Heal me instantly or place people in my life who will heal me once and for all. You know I want stop asking until you do and I KNOW you can fix me. Please!!!
Jumpy Mel in happier times.