Doula Mel: Just sisters

Today I was interviewed for Tertia’s program called The Power Within. The show is about women who have overcome hardships in their lives and come through the experience stronger and a better person. The show is meant to inspire people going through the same thing and see a light at the end of their dark tunnel.

We all know how inspired people are after reading her blog, book or hearing her speak so I am privileged to be part of her journey. Actually, the journey didn’t feel like a first class privileged ticket, more like the ‘seat’ on the train roof.
I clung on the roof for dear life terrified I would be flung off. I went through dark and scary tunnels and other times of sunlight when the train slowed down. I almost choked on my roti several times.

I was interviewed as the fertile sister of an infertile and I was saying to Tertia it was weird to get back into that head space again.
Talking about it took me for a brief return journey but it wasn’t so painful or scary. I have been asked by a few ‘fertile friends of infertiles’ how to act and what to say. They have guiltily blown off a little steam how it feels for them. I made too many mistakes to give them good guidelines but the one thing I will say for both parties….is TALK.
Ask questions, share how you feel, communicate. Don’t shut each other out but find common ground non baby related. Surely we have more in common than working / non-working ovaries, wombs, hormones and vaginas. It becomes so all consuming and hovers around waiting to destroy friendships and relationships. For the couples still stuck in this dark and painful tunnel, please don't think I am making light of your pain or infertility struggle. I am constantly in awe of how brave and determined you all are.
It is grossly unfair and inexplainable and I wish you didn't have to be stuck on the train. What a kak ride.

I started reviewing Tertia's book a while back but I kept on having nightmares about that whole time in my life even dredging up an abusive alcoholic ex who was part of a section of my life then.
I might go back to it again but I will probably just leave that section of my life under its band-aid.

I am so very, very glad we are just sisters again. I am glad Nina’s (other sis) pregnancy is a joyful event in our family and not intensely painful for Tertia. That huge wall of fertility/infertility doesn’t feature anymore. It scares me how close we came to losing our friendship and our family.

I love you big nose, both of you!

(Note how much smaller my nose looks in the pic of the 3 girls with Mom. The other pic is of gorg sis Nina with Rebeka)