Stretched to snapping

This morning Daniel and I were going quad biking as one of our dates.  We have not been in absolute ages and I was on my way to drop the girls off at Michelle's when I got a call from my mom.  I have a hands free kit on my phone and she was on speaker and told me my dad had just had a stroke.  I was freaking out trying to get my phone off speaker as my kids were in the car.  Why is Mimi crying?   What is a stroke?  What is wrong with Pops. Idon'tknowIdon'tknowIdon'tknow!!!

Poor Daniel was so upset, I told you just last week how tight they are.   I left the girls at Michelle who did a great job in reassuring them and we went off to the hospital.  I got all the praying people praying up a storm and Daniel & I did some major praying in the car.  Last night Pops & I spoke on the phone, he was doing great and out of ICU and in a normal ward.  He had told my mom to bring his clothes as he was coming home tomorrow.   And now?   This.
What a mind F!   It is just unbearable.   I can't lose a parent.  One day one of my parents will die and I will go ballistic.  How on earth?  I know, I know.  God gives you that amazing grace that we see when we say... how can she be so strong??   But the thought, the what if, the how would I cope, its f'ing terrifying.  Sorry, been praying and swearing all day.  Trying to do the 'you can't have blessings and cursing come out of your mouth at the same time' but somehow it isn't working.   

I am not going to describe how he was when I saw him, that's just too personal.   It was hard.  My dad and I are not affectionate but I kept on kissing his shoulder and stroking his shaved arm which felt just too slim.   My tungsten man looks too vulnerable and I can't stand it.   Daniel and I prayed for him which I have never done.  It felt totally natural and right.   I believe God has given me a gift, well a few actually.   He gives me a real knowledge of His heart for someone.  He doesn't always do it but when He does, it is life changing.   The one time was His heart for the poor mothers at Hotties which inspired me to start and run BB.   Their have been other times equally precious.  This time, He has given me His heart for my dad.   'Your dad is so important to me.  So dear and precious.   I love him and I have his name in the palm of my hand.   I am with him and I am his father.  He has had no father since he was a young boy but I am his father and he is not alone.  When he is weak, I am strong.   I extend my hand to him and I will grasp his with the tightest grip and I will not let him fall.'

Thank you.  For holding him and the restoring you have already done and continue to do.   You created him and you will restore him 100%, I praise you because he is fearfully and wonderfully made.

Comments

[Anna]

Lots of people are thinking about you and sending good wishes your way. Be strong.

[Lindsay]

OH MY SHATTERED NERVES!!! Praying for you all, may you find strength to get through this difficult time. xxx

[Laura]

Oh, my darling Mel. I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Know that I am praying hard for Dad's full recovery, and I am sending good thoughts to your whole family.

Love, Laura

[Tracey]

Special one, we can't know the how's or why's of God's will. We can only KNOW that He is good and just and loving. I can't imagine losing one of my parents - but D has lost both in the time we've been together, and all I can say is that I KNOW God steps in and bears us up. Don't think about the 'what if's' - He will give us Grace to face whatever when we need to. I don't believe that it's Pop's time, so will stay on my knees, but if things go differently, God WILL sustain you. Big hug Surfer-chick, Love you. x

[tess]

this is a beautiful post. we are upholding your father and family in our prayers.

the gift of grace is incomprehensible, but what is amazing is when people actually take it, like you are doing right now, and every day. keep on lovey, you, your dad and family are moses, let us be your aaron and hur.

xo tess

[Liesl]

keeping your dad in my prayers. And praying for strength for you Tertia and Mimi and family x

[Tiah]

Prayers for you and your family.

[Kathy B.]

Hi -- (I come to you via Tertia's blog)

My prayers are with you and your family at this time. God in his glorious mercy will take care of you no matter the outcome. As difficult as it is to think of now, God has a grand plan and it is not always for us to know how, when or why. I pray that it is God's will for your Pops to have a full recovery and return to you and your family.

Be strong in your faith that you may be strong for others (especially those who do not believe.)

[BiancaW]

Mel - stay strong in your faith. Tell Pops to get well soon, from all us cyber chicks.

XXX

[deblet]

Hi Mel
Glad you have updated re Dads condition,have been very worried.Will keep him in our prayers for a full recovery,strength to all in these trying days

[Wobs]

Oh Mel! This is heartbreaking because I have the same fears about losing a parent. AND, I'm an only child so I won't have anyone to share those memories of "remember when Mom did..." or "remember when Dad said..." It consumes a lot of my thoughts as I get older (because they are also getting older) and as my Mom always tells me, it is not the natural order of things that a parent buries a child. It should always be that the child buries the parent... It's suppose to be one of our life lessons, but hey - I'm not skipping off to that class in a hurry. So I totally identify with your fears and reactions. As with all your other readers, friends and family, I am thinking of you guys and praying that Pops will make a speedy and complete recovery! I've enjoyed reading his snappy comments on Tertia's blog.

[Jeanne]

Oh Mel - I am so sorry that. Please keep us updated and I will continue to keep you in my thoughs and prayers.