Doula Mel

G-o-D and D-o-G

I have this weird thing going on with my dogs and my God.  It seems He is as fond of them as I am.  Maybe its because they both love in the same way?    With total abandon and an affection that is passionately unleashed with just the slightest bit of love on our side?    With no condition or expectation or record keeping of previous wrongs or offense.  

As you know we have had Zara for 2 years now.  She is a pure bred Rottie but we didn't buy her from a registered breeder which was a bad mistake.  I think future owners should buy/adopt pavement special brak dogs or go for clean proven blood lines.  Anything else is potentially from an incestuous relationship with some pretty funky genetics and characteristics bad traits that come with it.  We are lucky her personality is gorgeous.  We are not lucky that she has dodgy legs.  Her over bite is fine.  Cute even and we often laugh at her.  Dodgy legs...another story.

So remember last year around her 1st birthday she wasn't herself. We had a party at the river for her but she just sat with Gary quiet and a little down.  Then we went to Hermanus and she started limping really badly.  The vet diagnosed her with a snapped cruciate ligament and inevitable expensive and painful surgery.  We decided to do a week long fast and prayer vigil for our Woofles and on the evening before, she still limped and I was desperate for a chocolate or biscuit that I had given up for the week.  The next morning...perfect.  No limp.   WhoooHooo, we are all hallelujahing and praising God and even my parents were telling people about how their happy clappy daughter had prayed their dog right.

Then last December we go to Mauritius for a 2 week holiday.   Lucy our Jack Russel puppy is just under 3 months old and the girls are berserk about her.   Like madly in love and drawing pics of her while on holiday talking how they miss her and arguing about who gets to hold her first when we get home.   Four days before we are scheduled to come home we get go out for a day snorkeling and sailing with friends and leave the phone at home.  We've had the BEST day and are all starving.  We get to the room and see SIX missed calls from my BF.  This is not good.   We phone immediately to hear that Lucy is missing and has been gone since last night.   I had that adrenalin rush that turned my legs to jelly and made me sick.  It was the BIGGEST freak out and we didn't tell the girls.   We phoned our house sitter who was beside himself.  She had got out and they had searched all over for her.  Daniel's friends and ours had combed the neighbourhood flat.   By the grace of God I had bought a collar and ID tag for her the day before we left when we gave her the 3 month shots.

My mobile was at home so we got him to switch the phone on waiting desperately for the magic call.  Gary and I spoke about cutting the holiday short and coming home.  It was that traumatic.  My BF and the house sitter are big Christians.  We all prayed and begged as if it was a child.  Then I lay in bed talkig to God and remembered the verse:  Speak it as though it were.  I turned to Gary and said;   We are GOING to get the dog back.  We have to.  Their is no plan B.   Later we got the call...We have Lucy back.   Oh the sweet relief, I cannot even tell you.  The gratitude towards a good God.  Thank you, thank you, thank you was repeated a hundred times over.  Thank you!

My Lucy was practically kidnapped and held for ransom!   Some guy stole   picked her up and took her to the township.  I think he would have gone back to look for the reward posters we were going to put up to claim his reward but I guess it was too long to wait till the Monday.   He sent a Please call me and told James he had bought the dog from someone and wanted R400 for her.  They drove to the township and offered him R100 which he took.  My Goose.  A township special after all!  Amazing hey, that we got her back.  The girls still don't know and the crazy display of love we witnessed when they got home to her just made me repeat my thank you mantra.  Oh God, you care about the smallest thing.  So now I have a situation with Zara which I need advice on but somehow this post has got too long and I need to sort Sofia out who has just finished swimming.   Tomorrow:   The new Zara leg dilemma.     

Alternatives to Concerta?

Although I am not a big granola sandal candle child, I am fairly natural (apart from my perky little boobies) and try and avoid meds if I can.   I am also not a person who thinks you need to tough things out instead of going on the necessary meds to sort out the problem.   Some people might argue if your faith is strong enough you shouldn't need meds too but I say that's BS and God uses Doctors all the time.   God is brilliant and can heal in a heartbeat but he also sends people on our path with knowledge and skill to sort things out.

So while I do agree meds are a necessary evil in many matters, for me the side effects are often the biggest turn off.  When my anxiety is a little out of control like at the moment, the thought of going on an anti-dep definitely crosses my frantic mind.   Feeling calm with my heart in my chest as opposed to my throat sounds amazing but the insomnia and low sex drive and possible weight gain, not so much.  The beige and vanilla feelings instead of the highs and lows and rush of life not so much too.  I know its trial and error of finding the right meds and I only tried one for 2 days but it just doesn't feel right for me.

So as you know Daniel my gorgeous 15 year old has ADD.   He was diagnosed by my own gut feeling in grade 5 and confirmed by an educational psychologist as well as my paed who is somewhat of an expert in this field.   The natural route was considered but after talking to other parents who had unsuccessfully tried that for 2 years, we went straight on Ritalin.   It was a life saver and my slow child who struggled for 5 long years became one of the class bofs.  The lack of appetite was definitely the worse side effect but not medicating on weekends and holidays meant his growth and weight stayed normal.   When he started high school the Ritalin didn't last long enough and I put him on 36mg concerta.   He still fart-arsed around and drove me batty and it didn't seem to help too much.  I upped his dose to 54mg (he weighs 52 kg) and he had a brilliant term last term.  The R100 for every A he got was also an excellent motivator.  BUT...he had bad stomach ache, no appetite and got really thin.   He wanted to get good grades as he chooses his subjects this term which affects what he studies and what work he eventually does.  He is rather fond of money so took this pretty seriously.  I took him to the doc for his tummy and she also thought it was the meds.  He has been off for a whole month with no problem and Monday he went back on.   Annoying funny loud eating Daniel becomes quiet eat NOTHING the whole day Daniel.  I just can't stand it so we had a chat and said lets try and cope without it and keep the meds for exams only.  Tuesday he came home saying the day was really tough and he has to be on something.

So what to do?   Do we try and do the lower dose again?  Do Ritalin twice a day like 20mg/20mg?  Try something natural?   Change to stratera?  if stratera what dose?  What are the side effects?  I wish he could be on nothing but I don't want school to be a big battle for him.  For those of you with toddlers and babies you know what a big deal feeding your kid is.  It stays the same.  Mothers have this thing of needing to ensure their children eat properly.

Us at a Hippy Party in SF.

Enough of the F word already

I have other things I want to chat about and need advice on plus my anxiety is a little out of control at the moment so this is the last post on the obesity issue.   I am not going to get into reasons and discussions why people are fat or who is to blame.   SA and the US are relatively wealthy compared to many African countries on my own continent.  True poverty literally means a nation of starving skeletal people and I cannot imagine what it would be like to have your children literally starve to death.   But I promised I wouldn't get into that so what I do want to briefly chat about is prejudice and criticism.

We all have prejudice.  Some people think gay people shouldn't be allowed to marry their partner or have a family.  In fact they believe they are unatural and in need of deliverance.   Some people have a huge issue with Muslim people and do not recognize that it is a very small right wing majority who have no regard for human life or peace or freedom.   Some believe others of another race, religion or culture are inferior to their own and do not deserve the same right and privileges as they do.  Some of our prejudices are small and some are large and while non are OK, we are flawed humans and all have prejudice in one way or another.   I ironically am not prejudiced against overweight people and have friends of all shapes and sizes.  What I do admit to is not having much compassion when it comes to being over weight.  Sorry but I guess that's just one of the things that make me not very nice all the time.  I am compassionate about many things and my heart can only bleed just so much and I don't want to be fake or pretend.  I am very deliberate when it comes to my health and my diet.  I want to live to be old and this means I don't smoke, hardly drink, go for all my check ups and exercise and eat a healthy diet.  I only have this long ol' skinny gawky inflexible awkward body and I need to look after it.

What I wrote was thoughtless and I apologized as such.  Not having compassion is one thing but being ugly is entirely different.  I am sorry.  While it wasn't nice to hear Genie's or KESW comments, I appreciated it and it made me think and I was suitably chastised.   We all need to be sharpened and hear criticism.   What you said about X, Y, Z wasn't cool and it mad me feel like A, B, C and you didn't take the following into account.  Perfect, point taken.   Comments like you are such a nasty, ugly, superficial, fake, spoilt, blah blah person are just spiteful.  We are grown ups.  This means we are not allowed to purposefully hurts one another even if they hurt us.  We teach our children this.  Standing up for yourself doesn't mean hurting back.   I have made many blunders on my blog in the past 4 years and some nasties have told me they are never reading my blog again.  Really?   You really mean you are not going to write me long mean letters that make me want to cry and make my heart race?   Goodbye then.  Tomorrow we are talking about alternatives to Concerta medication.   I just can't deal with the massive appetite loss and subsequent skinniness in my poor ADD son.    

Eliminated as home coming queen

I always suck at home coming.  I get easily over whelmed by all I have to do and my exhaustion from travelling makes me that much more sensitive.   I also have that usual flat anti-climax feeling following a great holiday.  Before some of you want to tell me how ungrateful/weak/shallow/un-Christian etc I am let me quickly state that I appreciate my chance at travel and am super grateful but this is how I feel.  You see this is MY blog and represents my flawed character and imperfect but happy life.  Its a diary of my life for my kids one day and a means of therapy as well as fun for me to blog and learn.

I don't pretend to feel or act a certain way to impress anyone.  I also don't intentionally mean to offend anyone but unfortunately I do of course and I am sorry but will probably do so again.   I am sorry if I hurt your feelings re the fattie thing.  It was tactless and I should have left it out.  I am going to briefly touch of obesity issue before moving on.   I struggle to feel sorry for people who have eaten their way into wheelchairs.  I just do.  I have compassion for many things, this isn't one of them for me.  I see too many people disabled as a result of accident or birth.  I know many people struggle with their weight and it has got to suck.  For those with medical issues this is clearly different.   I admire many of my friends who have struggled with their weight and have turned their lives around by exercise and diet or whatever needs necessary.  Some are slim and some are really curvy but they are all healthier and looking great.  I admire another friend of mine who has had 3 kids and who is over weight but always looks gorgeous and dresses beautifully.  She is comfortable in her skin and a very sexy lady.  What I do feel sorry for: really fat kids.   To start your life off teased and unhealthy seems so unfair.   Most cases are not medical.  In fact statistically only 3% of obesity is non food related.   Anyway, moving on here before I get lynched.

So I get home yesterday and the builders are here even though it is a Saturday.   My friend said they were in my house when she dropped off my groceries for me.   Daniel's room was totally cleared out including furniture before we left so they could fix his ceiling and get painting.  My room was locked with strict instructions to leave alone.   Obviously this was ignored and Daniel's room hasn't been touched and my room is HALF done.  They have packed away all my stuff and left on my bed and any surface they could find.  My products, my jewelry, my tampaxy girl stuff, my everything.   The whole room is covered with dust and I cannot find anything. In fact the whole house is full of dust.   I am so pathetically unhappy.  I cleared off the bed so I could sleep but its just a nightmare.   I am also disappointed in myself that I feel this shit about it.   I thought I was bigger than this, that I could shrug it off and think oh well, not such a biggie.  But I guess not.   My other upset is my Zara who is limping badly.  My poor doggie.  Off to the vet on Monday, it was on my list anyway as Lucy needs to be spayed.

Off to do round 2 of my washing and take a rescue.   Yes Debra, it worked.  You hit back and attacked my very character and deemed my faith superficial and my entire self in fact.  As I said I am not perfect and have prejudice like anyone else but I never try and hurt people on purpose.  I think about it, I apologise and I try and be better next time.  I really am sorry I typed without thinking.  Thank God for His grace which we as Christians don't aways extend to others.    

At LAX ready for round 1 of the journey home

And just like that my holiday is finished and we are on our long journey home.  The trip has felt very segmented which has actually been pretty cool.   First was the great trip with Paulie in London.  Then an amazing time in San Francisco of being thoroughly spoilt, and finally, our dream Disney 4 day trip.

The flight from SF to LA was the usual nightmare of flying domestic in the US.  Flight delayed by 2 hours as per normal and cramped seating.   By the time we got to our hotel we could have actually driven as originally planned.   I had warned the kids that the hotel at Disney wouldn't be the same spoil as the St Regis.  They have this grand lobby and entrance which lulls one into a false sense of accommodation security.  Then you open the door to the room and its a little like one of the rides...a plunge into decor terror.   Seriously?   A green and brown character shower curtain around a bath small enough to sit up in? Shower you say?   Well no because the weak water pressure means you will never rinse the shampoo off your hair.  Blankets and sheets instead of hygienic duvets.  Pukey carpets and cramped sleeping space finished off the room of horror.  Anyway, we decided we would not care as knew we would hardly spend anytime in our room.

So the next 3 days were spent being blown away by the special effects and colours and amazing attention to detail of each ride and show.   We didn't get to see everything but we saw most of the shows and did most of the rides.   I have had dreadful vertigo which meant I had to wuss out on some of the dizzier rides.   In fact typing this now is making me feel a little carsick/pukey.   It's the looking down thing.  Anyway, it was brilliant and super impressive and better than I remembered from 16 years ago that Iast went.  Fave shows/attractions:   Aladdin, Star Tours, Pirates of Caribbean, Ariel, Nemo ride, Splash Mountain, Bugs Life, Muppet Show, Monsters Inc.  I almost went on the roller coaster.  I totally didn't want to because of my vertigo but the kids begged me to ride.  All the way along the line I am praying to God to give me a real sign of yes or no.  I kind of thought it might just fix my inner ear imbalance and the vertigo would end.   Nope, no sign.  We get in the ride, they close the safety harness and we drive around the corner ready to launch.   Then they count down: 5 4 3 2 1....STOP.   We are experiencing technical difficulties and this ride will be temporarily closed.   Hallelujah.   Thank you LORD Jesus.   It took a while to get us out and it felt really claustro with the harness but I was very relieved and most impressed that God would shut down a ride just for me.  

So while Disney is great and the US amazing I do just have to have a little moan about some of the US population.   Fattie-land!   Wow there were loads of fatties and even some in wheelchairs because they couldn't walk any more.  And why are they fat?   Because they eat so much trash at anytime of the day.   And the food has so much sugar in or flavouring.   Even things like trail mix and yogurts are so sweet.   And rude kids! Our little SA critters are a pretty well mannered bunch compared to many whiny kids I saw here.  Now I know I am generalising and this is just a small portion of the general US population but even in SF I saw kids acting and speaking like bratty demanding teens.   And just one last thing, the amount of able bodied people pretending they needed wheelchairs so they could skip the queues was just disgusting.   I really think as South Africans who made such colossal F-ups in the past, we learned many a wise and painful lesson.  I loved the US but it has given me a great appreciation for my own precious country and the people who I share it with.   Yay, just 2 long days of travelling and then home to my building site house (oh hurry renovations!) and my beloved dogs and family.         

6.00am in Foggy SF

We’re really here.   High up on the 9^th floor in the very luxurious St Regis Hotel in San Francisco.  I am wearing the big white fluffy gown and matching slippers.     Being here is a very stark contrast to when I lived in SF briefly 16 years ago.   My apartment was minute and if I put one leg in the bathroom, and 1 in the bedroom, the kitchen was in between.    My bed was a mattress on the floor and I ate lots of pasta and noodles we managed to cook in the tiny kitchen.   Now I am all grown up in this massive room with its king-size bed and bath deep enough to dive in.  Well almost!   The kids have their own room and bathroom.     Each suite has their own butler and they have bath packages where he brings you French champagne and caviar and transforms your bathroom into the rose petal strewn haven.  All for just 1650$ of course.

Gary arrives later today.  He is very relieved his beloved family is all safe and sound and in the same city.    I can’t wait to see him.   London was awesome.  I LOVE that city in high summer and have some pretty great memories there too.   We stayed with my brother and his girlfriend for the 2 days and it was so cool to see him on his own turf.  Love my boetie.  He has lived there for 11 years already and is all grown up.   He runs this exquisite restaurant and bar and stays in a gorgeous little house.  I love the architecture there of the terrace houses and the ancient buildings and all the history.    My only issue was the panic of potentially losing one of the kids….the city was super crowded and they are real country bumpkins.   Travelling with kids is so different to being just you or a couple.    They loved the tube and the parks and the shops and seeing the armed guards and the marching band.  They got to see the palace although no William and Kate of course.    Hamleys blew their little minds and Littelest Pets were on sale!   The red bus didn’t really work out but the Thames cruise was cool.  We had a picnic in Hyde Park and they got to do the pedal boats with Uncle Paulie and Auntie Abby.  They LOVE Auntie Abby and yakked her poor ear off constantly.  Rebeka was hoping she would get pregnant AND give birth in the 2 days we were there so she could hold the baby.  Daniel had an excellent time too and I now  think I could let him go and visit Paul on his own.  They are only 15 years apart so Paul is the cool older brother figure.

This morning Daniel and I are off to the shopping outlet mall.   I am not a big shopper at all but hopefully there is an earlier ride back to the hotel.  He is super amped and has been scrimping and saving forever.   Fortunately they have a kids lounge here every day 8-8 with a room full of arts and crafts.   Rebeka & Sofia almost pooped in their pants, unlimited art stuff for the whole day.  They had originally planned to come with so I am really relieved the aren’t.    Rebeka and Daniel slept well but Sofia is major jet-lagged so was up at 2.00 am watching TV and then at 4.00am I had to find her the crayons so we are both pretty screwed today.     

Chat in a few days, going to savour every second of the 4 days we here. xxx

Edited to add:   Its now 4.17am and the next very early morning.   Only figured the WI-FI late afternoon hence not posting this earlier.   The shopping trip was cool, lots of bargains for the girls.  Daniel did well too.   Dinner last night was down at The Wharf but Sofia and I couldn't keep our eyes open.   I have been up since 3.00am which means I will probably be a Zombie tonight again.   The company has booked out Alcatraz for a private visit and we leave at 6.00am this morning.  Its FREEZING here, like butt cold. Obviously packed all the wrong stuff so shop-shop-shop I must! 

2 of my fave men in the whole world.

 

Agatha clinging to my back

Geez but I have been anxious lately.   The past few days have been especially bad.  Its a combo deal.  Part renovating stress which requires a whole blog post all on its own.  Part family drama which I cannot blog about but gives me insomnia, tight burny shoulders and a racy heart.  And then the good stress...travelling nerves and anxiety.   I am always like this before I fly.  Worrying about if all is sorted back at home with pets and my helper and the gardener and the house sitter and the builders.  Worrying if I have left something behind.   Packed too much, packed too little.

Blech!   I am an arse.   I actually can't sit still and type, just too wired.  Going to go check my bag, tidy up a bit, moan at the kids.   My pick up arrives in 2 hours.   Breath, breath, breath!

Last Critter Birthday done!

Yesterday my darling firsborn turned 15 years old.  How insanely crazy that 15 years have passed since my life changed in the most profound and incredible way.   I will never forget the feeling of having him on my chest seconds after he was born.  Knowing for the first time 100% that God did indeed exist and I was now party to creation in growing and birthing this boy.   

The vastness and intensity of that great mother love blew my mind.  Literally...just changed it forever.  I love my children and could have happily had a bunch more.  Our first 5 years of just us forged a bond that is forever.   I so enjoy my children and enjoy being a mom.  I love having kids stream in and out here and its exactly as I hoped it would be.  I feel incredibly lucky, blessed, fulfilled.   I feel thrilled to Daniel's mom and I am most definitely his biggest cheerleader.  (Pops right behind me!)

Having a son with ADD can be super frustrating and drive me quite batty.   15 years on and I still say daily...have you brushed your teeth, take your lunch, feed the dogs etc.  He is messy and lazy and forgetful.  He is also clever and funny and generous and someone who I would easily be friends with.  He is confident and secure and happy and I just love him to absolute bits.

Here's us at the dam yesterday with the dogs.  (He just looks taller but isn't yet!)  He is not a birthday monster like his sisters so very low key.   Waffles for breakfast with his 2 BF's, church and then a family walk up at the dam with our darling dogs.  Supper at home eating KFC in his bed playing PS3.

I like to pretend that Dani is also mine and Prisca his BF is so part of the family she really is like another child in the house.

Me.... the bleating flying sheep

So I have this exciting secret that I haven't shared with you girls and have even kept it from real life friends too.  Not that you are NOT my real life friends but you know what I mean.   The reason I haven't told anyone is because I feel a little sheepish but I have had 2 bad days in a row and I need to start getting excited.  In fact its only 7 days away so I really need to get excited.

in 7 sleeps time we leave on an amazing trip with the kids.  A once in a lifetime trip and a total treat for everyone.   Gary is attending a CEO conference in San Francisco and the company is flying the families in from various countries around the world.   We fly Virgin so fly via London.  My beloved and fave brother lives in London so the kids and I are getting off at Heathrow while Gary flies ahead.  We have 2 full days in London and then back on a plane to fly to SF where we have 5 days in a gorg hotel with loads of fun family trips planned.  I LOVE SF and it has  special place in my heart and memories.  After 5 days we take a short flight down to LA and we go to DISNEY for 4 days.

We have always wanted to take the kids to Disney but its just too unafordable for 99.9% of South African families including us.  Far and super expensive to fly there so it remained a distant dream.  Now that we are flown all the way to SF we CAN afford to take the 4 days and spend it with the kids.  Fortunately our flight back is booked from LA via London again.  The critters are beyond excited, especially Daniel!  He has been counting the minutes, I kid you not, for months now.  He has the timer on his phone with days, hours and seconds till we leave.  He has googled everything and even done a virtual walking tour around SF.   He has saved every cent and is super amped.  Its his birthday tomorrow but everything pales compared to this trip.

I know I am super blessed to be able to travel and I really do appreciate it.  I feel blind becuase I have just come back from Thailand and now we are off again.   Back in the bad ol' apartheid days I had huge white guilt and now I struggle living the lifestyle we do in a country with such poverty.  I know it was a small part of the reason I wanted to adopt, to give something back.  I don't know, its complex.  Its not like I even live a lavish lifestyle and I am not materialistic yet I still have this silly guilt thing.   Maybe its my Catholicism speaking...we did guilt well.   Anyway, I hope you will be happy for us as I really am getting excited at the thought of feeding my insatiable travel bug and introducing my kids to different countries and cultures. Off now to brace myself for 15 teenagers of around 14 & 15 for arrive in 10 minutes for Daniel's party.  Yikes!