I lasted 8 days. My previous attempt at an AD was only 2 so it is somewhat better. I don't know why I have such a strong reaction despite an absolute minimal dose. I was exhausted in the morning, had headaches, clenchy jaw, crampy feet and calves, dry mouth and irritable. Not fun! I specifically didn't google the drug before as I didn't want to imagine side effects. The next drug prescribed was zopiclone which I did google. NOT.
I then called him to ask for something else that was not a sleeping tab. He is going to skip the AD's and give me stress eaze (spelling?) which I just take if my Agatha anxiety is too much. This might work. Yesterday I was fairly OK so didn't pick up the script. Today I had a call from a commissioning parent re work and I spoke too fast, I was sweating and heart racy and totally out of whack to a call that wasn't even difficult? Mmmh, maybe I will get the stress eaze.
I must say after going off the drugs I felt MUCH better. My old anxious self but at least familiar and doable. I do feel less sore though even though I still haven't found a therapist. Time and God, the healing partnership. The previous therapist didn't work out. I related to your comments re therapy. I do feel self-absorbed by this which is embarrassing and so me-me-me. I know my temporary wheels come off state has much to do with unresolved issues from 15 years ago. I have blogged about my box before and have managed to keep all my shit there quite successfully. Then the current drama which pushed old buttons and all that stuff resurfaced like a blocked loo that you flush. Nice visual hey...old loo paper and poop!
I will get this all under control and if I do go on full medical aid next year, will think about that therapy option. In the meantime I have discovered a Thai Spa in Somerset West with lovely, gentle Thai ladies who give amazing massages with sights, sounds and smells that take me back to my Thai holiday when everything was so peachy. For an extra R80 you can even order Thai food for lunch! I will consider that my therapy for now and hold out for summer and also the end of my renovations which I hope will be soon!
My mommy and me in Thailand. I have decided in 2 years time (after we recover from the renovations!) I want to go to Thailand again with my family and hopefully meet Nina and her family. Maybe even get the Analtynes to come!
Mel, the massage option sounds FAB! Therapy and therapists work for many people but not all, it's also about finding the person who 'gets' you!
The best thing is that you are being kind to yourself and allowing yourself to feel! Feeling is everything even if it's not the feeling we want it to be.
Think of you everyday! x
Posted by: Lindsay | 15 September 2011 at 02:27 PM
Mel, Why don't you ask you doc for Cilift. I take it for stress and anxiety and it works like a bomb and their are no side effects.
Posted by: Bernadine | 15 September 2011 at 02:56 PM