Doula Mel

Excellence

2011 have been a tough one.  Renovating my house has been a huge stressor.  We are almost at the end of a long, expensive and invasive project.  We were quoted 4 months from start to finish.   Granted we had rainy days as well as an architect that made a few mistakes costing us both time and money but that would only add max 1 more month.   4 plus 1 equals 5 right?  NOT. Try 8 months.  Eight long months of having people on my property in my space every day.  Noise and dust and being constantly parked in every day waiting so I could get my big car out with twenty billion reverse moves.

We are thankfully almost done.  In fact yesterday should have been one of the last jobs but they screwed it up.  It sucks having to put burglar bars on all our windows but we do live in SA and crime is unfortunately a daily reality.   They did such a shite slap-dash job which got me thinking about work ethic and excellence.  My builder although slow, is excellent and takes huge pride in his work.   He is punctual and professional and expects anyone who works on our house to deliver the same service.   Guess who I give the kudos to:   his folks and especially his mama.   Values like integrity and punctuality and being professional and excellent are taught.   Loyalty, doing your best, being honest, giving good service.   I want my children to be excellent at whatever they do.  I don't mean like full marks excellent.  I mean doing their work well.  I worry that I am a little bit of a tiger mommy sometimes.   My BF and sister tease me a little but I understand I am not just raising children in the now.  I am raising future adults who will be parents and spouses and have careers.   It is an enormous responsibility trying to manufacture a well balanced human being in our day and age.   Parenting has become so deliberate and keeping the balance is difficult.   My preggie diary stated just 2 aims and I guess I need to go back to those.  Kind and confident.  I wrote that 16 years ago and it still stands.  (might I just add a few pls?   Punctual, committed, loyal, grateful, polite, hard-working, aware, tolerant, healthy...)

PS, I am obviously grateful for my gorg big house and my gorg big husband who works his butt off to make it all possible but I will never ever renovate again!!      

The old engine that could, or couldn't?

Two days ago I attended an induction day at UNISA which is an on-line distance learning university.  It was exciting, informative, intimidating and enlightening too.

Next year I will be a student again.  Age 40 and back to varsity is both invigorating and also scary.  One of the things I love most about being older is no longer having that fear of failure.  I can tell all I know, that this is what I plan to do next year.  I might change my mind, I might drop out or I might even fail and its OK, it doesn't mean I have to beat myself up or re-define who I am or feel embarrassed what others might say.

23 years ago when I was in grade 11 I attended a career guidance and aptitude test in Stellenbosch. I did the various tests and interviews and the main interest that emerged was social work.  Being a social worker in SA is tough and the money is crappy.  My dad advised me to go into another field and I landed up in the restaurant trade.   Now 23 years on I plan to get my social work degree.  It has stayed my passion and my  heart and I am fortunate enough not to have to need a big salary thanks to my well providing husband.   I am not overly worried about the actual studying.  Being self-disciplined and competitive and a wee bit stubborn means I will get stuck in.   I will probably take some time to get used to writing and how to learn etc but its fine, I will get there.  I think the biggest worry for me is time and how I will manage to juggle everything.

I am already stretched.  My work had got busier and more exciting so takes up a few hours a morning.  My exercise is non negotiable, its crucial to the management of my anxiety.   My home and running it isn't too bad as us lucky South Africans have domestic help.   I have help 3 days a week and will now go for 4.  I will need to be clever when it comes to planning my shopping and meals but its doable.   What else?  Mothering!   Now that takes up most of my time and energy but I might need to push my birdies out the nest a little.   Perhaps 2 days a week at after-care?    No longer being the time keeper at the swimming?   Watching every practise.  My kids are happy and well adjusted.   Anna commented that they are condescending to fat children and I condone it.  Why oh why would I condone them being horrible to anyone.  I condone the fact that they are aware of healthy bodies and what it takes to have one.  The only thing I feel when I see over weight children is sadness that they already have to struggle with a negative body image at a young age when they should be free and unaware.  Do I judge their parents when I see the crap they get fed every day and the lack of exercise?  YES.  Anyway, this post isn't about the fat thing.  Sorry if I hurt your feelings Anna, seriously.  We supposed to have moved on from that and I will just have to make sure I just don't mention anything to do with fat even it is a silly song about a big butt.

Back to being a mature student as I am officially called.  They were speaking about career choices and trying to figure out what you are good at and what you like or dislike.  Where you want to be and what your plans are for your life.  It felt cool to be at such a further point in my life journey.  I know who I am, what I like and what I don't, who I want to be.  I am she, who I want to be.  Its a cool feeling to have grown up and maybe all those cliches about turning 40 are actaully true.   I would do a celebratory cartwheel but would probably need physio for my cronky back so just a high five to all my fellow grown up friends who rock their lives.   Great weekend everyone. x 

I like beeeeg butts and I don't know why...

So my girls and I have made up this silly song to this tune.  Although I have plenty blog worthy happenings going on in my life, I will leave you with our rap song seen as its Frivolous Friday.  You may sing it whenever you like and even add on your own verses, no copyright limiting your creativity to the Novitzkas lyrics.

I have a big butt and I do know why
I eat too many french fries
Which makes it grow in size
And way too many pies.
I won't tell you no lies
I should get up and rise
And so some exercise
To work on my big ol' thighs
So I will get more wise
And shake this butt to size!

Now before some of you send me off to parenting classes or warm me of the dangers of anorexia please know that my house doesn't talk about fat or size or bodies obsessively and this song is just us being silly.  At the same time, they do know that healthy food and exercise make healthy bodies and will notice and remark about what the poor chubby kids get in their lunch boxes everyday.

Have a great weekend everyone. x

So why does it even matter?

Why should it matter where I believe people go once they die?   I should just live my own life following my own path to God.  My path is Jesus Christ and all that He is.   Other people have a different path.

The problem is in all that Christianity encompasses and the messages it teaches.  He is pretty specific about going to the ends of the earth to spread the Gospel and tell people about Christ.  It is why you get all those well meaning evangelists who so often put people off totally.   Do I want people to know Christ and all the amazing blessings and life that comes with it?  Of course.  Its a rush for me, that love, forgiveness and life and seeing the world in a whole new way.   The problem for me is as discussed in the previous post.  If I don't believe their path is the wrong one FOR THEM or that they are going to hell, then it makes trying to convince them to follow mine rather rude actually.   Even Rebeka asked me once if it wasn't rude to tell someone they are wrong and their God is a lie.  She has a little Muslim girl in her class.   Yes Becks, I do think it is rude and I know telling people about Jesus is hard so you just show Him in how you live each and every day.  Be kind, forgive others, share what you have, love Him with all your heart & mind & soul and love & treat other people like you love & treat yourself.   If people ask you why you are not being ugly back then you tell them its because you love Jesus who lives in your heart and who simply doesn't allow us to have nastiness living in our hearts too. 

Like many things I will just have to put it aside and focus on loving others and myself and loving Him and trying to live a life that reflects who I believe Him to be.   I certainly hope I will spend eternity with Him and we can hang out in His garden one day and all my crazy questions and issues will cease to matter.

I leave you with this amazing scripture:

Romans 8:35-39

New International Version (NIV)

³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^[a]

 ³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

What about Rabbi Goldstein, Nam Wadee and Fatima Kahn?

If I ever have a 2nd blog I would call it The Confused Christian and I would debate and question and wrestle with all the things I so often do in my confused mind.   I often feel like I don't fit and struggle to accept many Christian beliefs that others see as absolute gospel...applaud the pun.

You already know my feeling on homosexuality and my belief that anything less than 100% acceptance, tolerance and equality is just a repeat of the terrible prejudice that have caused our world so much pain in all our history of hate, apartheid and elitism.   This doesn't sit well with many of my fellow clappers and it does make me question my authenticity as a 'real' Christian.   I am just not supposed to feel and question many things that I do and I actually envy others absolute 100% belief that the bible is the final word.

Of course the fact that we have 100's of different denominations all with their own interpretations doesn't help me much.  I go with my gut, my inner being where the Holy Spirit lives inside me.  I listen to people who have been Christians far longer than I have, full of wisdom with an incredible knowledge of the bible.  I want to believe all they say yet I just can't.  The God of my heart, the God of creation and world I live in just doesn't allow me to.  The bible you say?  I know!   I am supposed to believe it 100%, the final authority, the final word.   I love the bible, I love the way God uses it to speak to me so many times, to comfort and teach and show and counsel.  And yet...my biggest issue is as follows:

Heaven.  Who gets in and who doesn't?   According to the bible, only those who believe Jesus is the son of God, believe it and profess it, get in. The rest....sorry buddies, you all burn in hell.  In fact our recent discussion at our bible study was about the souls of those who were once Christians but have back slidden.   Take Joe Soap.   Joe went to a Christian youth camp and gave his life to Christ at age 15.  He was on fire for God and the happiest clapper you ever could find.   Joe is now 30.  Somewhere along the way he lost his passion for God, he stopped going to church.  He married, started a business and made all sorts of dodgy deals along the way.  He drinks too much and likes to slap his wife and kids around just to show who is boss.   Then we have Rabbi Goldstein.  He has served God faithfully all his life, he loves his wife and 5 kids and observes all the Jewish holidays and customs.    Nam Wadee is a Thai Buddist and lives in a country where 95% of his countrymen are Buddists.   He spends most of his days in silence and meditation, owns no possessions and observes all the practises of Buddhism with absolute unwavering dedication.   Lastly we have Fatima Kahn, a Muslim lady who makes local pastries and sells them to support a local orphanage where she has dedicated her life.  Her husband attends prayer at the crack of dawn each morning and their shop is closed each afternoon so they can pray to their merciful loving Allah.

So according to Christianity based on the bible, Joe gets in to heaven.  Once saved, always saved.  He spends eternity with God.  Rabbi, sorry.  He never professed or accepted Christ as God made man on earth.  My gentle kind peaceful Buddhist, nope, off to hell for him too.  Fatima who served the poor all her life and who loves Allah, no, turn left Fatima, you have to go to hell.   Really?   95% of Thai people are going to hell.  All the Muslims who many Christians believe are deceived and their religion demonic.  The faithful Jews, Gods own chosen people, also Left.   I can't, I can't believe it'.  So if the bible says we only get to the father through the son, then I have to believe that somewhere along the way on the big escalator up to heaven they meet Jesus.   I just can't accept that their religion isn't real, that their love for God is less sincere than my own or that they are loved less.    

PS:   As a Christian of almost 11 years I still feel amazed and blessed by the acceptance, love, grace and compassion of Jesus.  I never have to do anything or go anywhere to experience 100% fellowship with God...the cross has done it all for me.   I do want this same peace, love, acceptance and a 2nd chance for all I know and love.  If I could sum up Christinity and share the gosple in 1 easy step, I would sing  Amazing Grace to you.  As I cannot sing I leave you with this clip instead: