Doula Mel: The old engine that could, or couldn't?

Two days ago I attended an induction day at UNISA which is an on-line distance learning university. It was exciting, informative, intimidating and enlightening too.

Next year I will be a student again. Age 40 and back to varsity is both invigorating and also scary. One of the things I love most about being older is no longer having that fear of failure. I can tell all I know, that this is what I plan to do next year. I might change my mind, I might drop out or I might even fail and its OK, it doesn't mean I have to beat myself up or re-define who I am or feel embarrassed what others might say.

23 years ago when I was in grade 11 I attended a career guidance and aptitude test in Stellenbosch. I did the various tests and interviews and the main interest that emerged was social work. Being a social worker in SA is tough and the money is crappy. My dad advised me to go into another field and I landed up in the restaurant trade. Now 23 years on I plan to get my social work degree. It has stayed my passion and my heart and I am fortunate enough not to have to need a big salary thanks to my well providing husband. I am not overly worried about the actual studying. Being self-disciplined and competitive and a wee bit stubborn means I will get stuck in. I will probably take some time to get used to writing and how to learn etc but its fine, I will get there. I think the biggest worry for me is time and how I will manage to juggle everything.

I am already stretched. My work had got busier and more exciting so takes up a few hours a morning. My exercise is non negotiable, its crucial to the management of my anxiety. My home and running it isn't too bad as us lucky South Africans have domestic help. I have help 3 days a week and will now go for 4. I will need to be clever when it comes to planning my shopping and meals but its doable. What else? Mothering! Now that takes up most of my time and energy but I might need to push my birdies out the nest a little. Perhaps 2 days a week at after-care? No longer being the time keeper at the swimming? Watching every practise. My kids are happy and well adjusted. Anna commented that they are condescending to fat children and I condone it. Why oh why would I condone them being horrible to anyone. I condone the fact that they are aware of healthy bodies and what it takes to have one. The only thing I feel when I see over weight children is sadness that they already have to struggle with a negative body image at a young age when they should be free and unaware. Do I judge their parents when I see the crap they get fed every day and the lack of exercise? YES. Anyway, this post isn't about the fat thing. Sorry if I hurt your feelings Anna, seriously. We supposed to have moved on from that and I will just have to make sure I just don't mention anything to do with fat even it is a silly song about a big butt.

Back to being a mature student as I am officially called. They were speaking about career choices and trying to figure out what you are good at and what you like or dislike. Where you want to be and what your plans are for your life. It felt cool to be at such a further point in my life journey. I know who I am, what I like and what I don't, who I want to be. I am she, who I want to be. Its a cool feeling to have grown up and maybe all those cliches about turning 40 are actaully true. I would do a celebratory cartwheel but would probably need physio for my cronky back so just a high five to all my fellow grown up friends who rock their lives. Great weekend everyone. x

Comments

Im so so happy for you! How exciting. I have just this year gone back to studying and I am also doing social work. It is a huge change for me as I was in accounting before. You'll be great!

I've always wanted to work with children. I've always wanted to make a difference. After our (failed) adoption process last year I realized how important and vital social workers are. Especially social workers who CARE!! I want to be THAT social worker. Then this year I also started the Teen Mom Support Group KZN and I realized even more how important it all is.

Good luck! I am keeping all my assignment and exam feedback so shout if you ever want some old questions to help with studying!

Much love
M

Posted by: Michelle | 21 October 2011 at 05:06 PM